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PP3

2010-03-09T21:47:00.000Z

I completed pass plus today and it's annoying me the fact that I didn't choose to book the final date exactly a month after.. I don't know why dates are so important to me but it would have been nice to pass pp on the 8th too. In reality it makes no difference so I need to stop over analysing letters and numbers!

Other than that it was a cloudy day and I found my way to Darlington and back on my own and made a blast through the highway. Overtaking was a devil today and I kept coming back in leaving too little space. I should have carried on going on the outer lane with my foot down and coming back in when the road ahead is clear... again I'm being overly nice and trying to get out the way of other drivers. It's not good to be nice and in my cases it's incredibly wrong 'cos they're all dangerous faults.

Apparently the monster beside me thought I did really well but I know it could have been better. It always can be, but there is no such thing as perfect so why am I constantly chasing after it?

PP2

2010-03-05T18:37:00.000Z

I'm loving these pass plus days and I'm definitely enjoying myself and having a great laugh...but the monster made me whizz up to the top of a car park today to come all the way back down again... something I'd never done before in my days as a learner but I was edging a bit close on some cases....but the car is still in one piece! I laugh!

I was alert to the L board today and I reminded Little Miss Forgetful to take it off for me.. Highly a lot of fun when we just escaped Yarm and one of the roads were closed from a flood. It was sunshining today so it was obviously left there from before. The risk-taker beside me lives life dangerously and asked me if I wanted to chance it through the sign...we decided not to as 2 others made a U-turn and carried on their journey. We did the same and on the way back, we saw the road at the end of what was closed off, was open! ...So if we went through we would've got out but it's best to be safe than sorry!

PP1

2010-03-04T17:55:00.000Z

The first of the pass plus course and I've got someone else sitting beside me. It's all cool and we cruised along the country roads of Whitby just when I thought I was hitting the highway! Obviously it was a better decision not to since it was a different car and I needed to get used to it before I went out on the big roads. The scenery was fab and some of the hills were 25% steep!! A selection of lower gears pulled me up the hill and putting the foot to the floor did the trick.

Indeed it was different driving as a passed driver and I didn't get so much lunatics overtake me on the curvy road..obviously I got the odd one or two who knew the place and thought I was going ridiculously slow!!! ...But I didn't mind driving like a tourist ;)

I looked at the learners board today as I walked to the car and it just didn't click that I didn't need it anymore...it was funny when J forgot too and K had phoned her and remind her!

A week today...

2010-02-15T10:18:00.002Z

This time last week I passed... I would have been out on test roads and 4 minutes into my test...ugh that's horrible!!!

PINK & SHINY!

2010-02-12T18:43:00.002Z

Something nice arrived through the post today and has been waiting for me to come home from work! :)

The morning after...

2010-02-09T23:00:00.000Z

It was definitely a different feeling when I woke up this morning. A feeling of happiness with a feeling of sadness. Of course the happiness was unusual for the morning after but I'm also gonna miss being a learner. No more pick ups and drop offs, no more men talk and no more Kim Kim giving me directions. It's all gonna be greatly missed but she kept her promise and helped me pass. Thanks ever so much Kim.

It was obviously a wrong choice to go with 'Bring Some Money' and I can't believe the monsters told me not to signal off mini roundabouts. At the time I didn't know what was right but now I do, and I only hope people don't follow the same route I did just for their name. It was said to me before I made the choice and now I paid the price.

Birthday Gift part 2

2010-02-08T16:26:00.001Z

It's been the best 'night before' sleep out of them all and I've had no major breakdown. I guess the thought of bringing my instructor with me improved my mood immensely even though in the end I didn't go through with it since I would be carrying extra weight in the car.

After nearly 2 years of lessons, almost 200 hours of training, x amount of tests, I've finally got what I've been working for. I can definitely say my effort and continuous determination to fight has all been worth it and I believe you will get out of it what you put into it. I almost lost it again within the first 10 mins,. I noticed the hesitation kicking in and if I didn't do something about it, I would have lost it exactly the same way I did with the last. It worked and I was alert. An earlier test time than usual took away a lot of the traffic and I was rolling. It's been a good day and the shift from 2-9 to 2-8 worked well with my luck and superstition. A dull day changing to a bright day as I drove and shining on the wet road was piercing my eyes... I've always been too short for those sun blocking boards! ..But indeed after I turned left, the sun stopped following us.

I cry when I fail and I cry when I pass, but these are good tears, tears of relief but now I have no ID to get some alcohol...will a pass certificate do?? I also forgot to mention the embarrassing moment where I walked out of the mens toilets at the test centre..or what I call the prison camp. Obviously I was so alert...but I did knock before i went in!! :x

I just want to thank the people behind me giving me the constant support. I know that it's been a big whirl but I'm finally where I want to be... without the drink, without the fags and most importantly without the meds.

Driving Lesson #101

2010-02-03T22:25:00.004Z

(Hours 183 & 184)

I've got to stop being nice. If I did my test yesterday I would have failed simply because my back wheels were parked on a crossing when I was letting a truck out. I've got to stop giving way to everyone when I've got right of way. I don't know why I'm doing this... it seems to be another thing I've picked up from nowhere that I never used to do. It would have been a dangerous fault... but the hesitation seems to be dissolving and I've had good drives the last 2 days. I've been told if I drive like this next week I'll pass, so let's hope it stays good... no more lessons!

Driving Lesson #100

2010-02-02T23:18:00.002Z

(Hours 182 & 183)

A lesson on roundabouts. I remember doing this before, so now it's one with every instructor I've had. I should be a pro by now. As time went on I came back to myself again and the hesitation was less obvious, though not totally eliminated. We'll do more next time but I think I've found out why I fear so much on test... my comfort zone has been taken away from me and my instructor is replaced by a stranger. I'm thinking of bringing her along to my next test to calm me down since I know I've got to be good because she's watching.

I put petrol in for the first time too... not difficult but good experience and something new. A bit of a disaster when I left the station as I completely drove past the exit! Bit funny but it was resolved with a little reverse and a full lock turn.

Driving Lesson #99

2010-01-29T22:07:00.002Z

(Hours 180 & 181)

It was a funny one. I didn't signal and I let my mind slip. I decided to turn left down gbro way and got stopped... I realised what I'd done for what was supposed to be straight on. K asked me what was I thinking and all I could say was I thought I was on the bus... it's the usual route it takes and apparently the bus driver waiting to turn out looked at us as if we were some kind of lunatics. He must have been scared but it must've been funny to watch.. I say that with my mouth sealed :x

ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!

2010-01-28T08:55:00.000Z

This is starting to annoy me now... cars parked on roundabouts... and they can't move because their exit isn't clear.. but the one I want is and I can't get there because the roundabout's blocked. The purpose of a roundabout is to ease congestion, not create it.

Birthday Gift part 1

2010-01-22T17:28:00.001Z

I didn't get the birthday present I wanted but a phone call today made up for it...Test dates initially lined up for 8th March had shifted to 5th Feb. We don't know why but it's just nice enough for the 2 week paper work to get processed and get back out on test route. The temptation was irresistable especially when I know that I've got work to cover it. It's been an amazing day and a lot of the presents I had today I couldn't buy...but what happened to all the snow tests??

HESITATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-19T18:42:00.001Z

So you get faulted for jumping out... I agree, then you get faulted for hesitation... I don't agree.

Driving Lesson #98

2010-01-18T22:11:00.002Z

(Hours 179 & 180)

I'm a bit off track at the mo 'cos I'm just here kap leng jai and I have been for the last 4 hours... but it's fueling, fueling for tomorrow. Yesterday's fuel obviously worked well for today 'cos I would have passed if my test was today. I've been so happy to know that I can do it without relying on anything daft. I'm pretty geared up for this war and I'm gonna bring home the good news... bad news is not allowed and I'm determined to make this a good start to the year.

2 month queue!!!!!!

2010-01-16T17:41:00.001Z

The pre test symptoms are kicking in and I am corrupting. Queue time is now mid March due to the snow and I don't think I could wait that long and put myself through the same sh!t I am doing again. A few months ago I promised it would be the last and I still think the same, but in all honesty how long will my willpower last?

...Gary Dodd I still hate you for making my life hell!!

Driving Lesson #97

2010-01-15T21:08:00.001Z

(Hours 177 & 178)

Time is short and I'm highly skeptical about this damn test... not because the snow hasn't cleared but because I can't stop making bloody mistakes in my effin lessons. Yea, I do fall to pieces when the word test comes to mind but I've never had it worser than before. Wear my shoes and walk my road, then think twice about screaming at me.

Driving Lesson #96

2010-01-12T22:49:00.002Z

(Hours 176 & 177)

First one of the year and already I'm off to a bad start. I keep getting told I shouldn't be too hard on myself but in the end I know I can't have none of these in my test or I've lost it...

BSM's new slogan...

2010-01-11T11:07:00.001Z

I decided to create a new slogan for BSM...
"Every 2 minutes someone fails with BSM."

SNOW! SNOW! SNOW!

2010-01-06T10:21:00.000Z

I'm still in bed. The snow on the roads are really bad today and the lesson was called off. I'm quite skeptical about this test now as to whether that's gonna get called off for the same reason. I hope not, I really don't want to requeue another time for something that's not my fault... I'm trying hard to get the licence for my birthday and having it cancelled would be the last thing I want.

Driving Lesson #95

2009-12-28T23:45:00.001Z

(Hours 174 & 175)

She was right. I shouldn't have slowed down on the slip road 'cos he might not have wanted to come out... I dont like it when I see people on the slip road.. it just screams collision cos I always think the slip road's going to run out.. this is why I hate it so much when I'm on them.

One thing I know now is that the elimination of 'pink sweets' is good... I'm not far off now and I hope my brain doesn't call for them during or before that day. It's gonna be a new year, new start...and new lifeee...

Driving Lesson #94

2009-12-22T23:57:00.001Z

(Hours 173 & 174)

I wasn't really looking forward to today's lesson and I was hoping it would be cancelled from the bad weather. Unfortunately it didn't, and I'm quite lucky to have it as I've learnt a lot of new stuff about driving on snow. Usually it's in snow but never on snow.. well in actual fact it is to dodge the snow and use planning and awareness skills for lane discipline on roundabouts where the snow is difficult to melt.

Driving Lesson #93

2009-12-17T14:51:00.001Z

(Hours 171 & 172)

It's been a while since I last drove in the snow but the sky made it happen today and I'm still driving in it as a learner. It wasn't too bad but it was beginning to lay and roof tops were turning white. I'm asking more questions now as I drive as I'm rooting for answers. I want to know what I will pass on and what it is exactly that will fail me besides the obvious serious and dangerous.

Apparently if I fail a manoeuvre I fail my test. Really??? I'm sure I got told before that you can still pass even if you failed a manoeuvre. I thought minor faults could occur into them, but it seems to be an all round good run to get that bit of paper.

Driving Lesson #92

2009-12-08T21:54:00.001Z

(Hours 170 & 171)

I was just thinking about my long missed night drives and today just happened to land on one. I had to peel my eyelids back just to make sure I was extra alert to what was going on. I remember the last time I drove in the dark was immense, but now independent driving is stamped all over my head, I tried not to have any help from my instructor. I understand that I should be alert at all times but for some reason the night just shouts caution to me, and what used to be fun and rebel-like has not got to be taken seriously.

Driving Lesson #91

2009-12-04T21:43:00.001Z

(Hours 168 & 169)

My mind is fuzzy and the fear of stalling bites back. I don't know how much longer I can hold on for but I am getting tired. Make it the last.

Driving Lesson #90

2009-11-28T15:13:00.001Z

(Hours 167 & 168)

At 1356 today, I managed to save myself from a crossroad collision. An old man in a small black car had stopped on the give way line to my left and another to my right. I always slow down slightly just as I approach someone else's give way line just in case they don't stop. I don't know why, I just have this fear. Indeed it came in handy for most of the drive today 'cos everyone was just pulling out in front of me. But the worst was this old man. He stopped, but just as I was about to pass him, he moved out. I had to slam my breaks - hard! It was a shock to the senses and my heart was racing. I looked everywhere and the guy to my right was shaking his head. The "really old guy", (my Grey's addiction is kicking in again..) didn't even look at me once before he moved out, or as I was braking for that matter. I don't know what he was doing but he clearly didn't see us.

It seemed like I had a board on the roof today saying "pull out in front of me". He wasn't the first and he definitely wasn't the last. I'm just so happy it happened and I managed to respond on time. I remember many weeks ago I did not spot the mad cyclist. And as the clock continued to tick, more incidents happened but none as severe. I coped well with the road conditions today and I can only say I was surprised to see my driving almost spot on and every other drivers making a hash., it's usually the other way round...but maybe it's telling me something...I can do this.

Driving Lesson #89

2009-11-21T21:32:00.001Z

(Hours 165 & 166)

I had a horrid feeling it was going to happen and it did. I may as well jack it in myself, it'd be easier.

Leeds crash!!

2009-11-19T18:33:00.000Z

Just coming up to Leeds and there's been a big crash on the motorway... One car was crushed after another in a line of 5 and a small van with pipes tied to the top had fallen off making the situation a lot worse. Something tells me that all their following distances must have been reasonably close to have all got caught... and then these people have all passed their test... it baffles me.

Driving Lesson #88

2009-11-11T21:43:00.001Z

(Hours 164 & 165)

My mind is blown. I can't seem to function anymore.. I haven't much words to express 'cos I just want time to pass. The quicker, the better. I need to bite back and focus on the planning. It seems to have gone out the window along with the confidence. I just need to find it back 'cos I'm rapidly losing this month!

TORTURE...

2009-11-03T11:55:00.000Z

I should be out on that road, but instead I'm here twiddling my thumbs and watching Grey's Anatomy which doesn't even seem like Grey's Anatomy because Rhimes has almost killed off all the important characters...

Driving Lesson #87

2009-11-02T16:53:00.001Z

(Hours 162 & 163)

I was feeling positive and I believed it could be done.. but despite the past, a phone call about an hour ago shot all my hopes down. It's been cancelled at short notice (VERY short notice) because one of the examiner's were sick.. I'll give them sick now they've got me requeueing this shit.

Driving Lesson #86

2009-10-28T21:09:00.001Z

(Hours 161 & 162)

It's ridiculous numbers now and it's still counting. But finally it's all coming to pieces again or at least for today. I forgot my happy pills today but things seem to have worked out well without them. The final day to pull out is tomorrow, but it's a 3v1 battle so I guess I'm doing it.

Driving Lesson #85

2009-10-26T19:47:00.001Z

(Hours 159 & 160)

There's a time when it's gone too long and there's a time when you can't be strong. I'm talking like Meredith Grey and it's a sign I'm watching too much Grey's Anatomy. It's been 2 weeks and I'm almost on Season 4, but that's besides the point. Could it possibly be right what my McDreamy is trying to tell me? You see this is why I wanted it fast. Fast kills my pain. Nosey parkers reading this are gonna think what the F am I talking about but this is the only way I can lay my thoughts in my own understanding, since now even your close ones don't understand you or support you in the matter you do.

There is a time when a warrior becomes tired and when a wound becomes too deep, he has no more strength to fight. And if he does continue, the wound will be harder to heal.

Just want to mention to the girl flashing her Green P at the GT junction, you're a bitch!

Driving Lesson #84

2009-10-21T23:45:00.001+01:00

(Hours 158 & 159)

It was raining and I hate driving in rain. I requested to do a lot more roundabouts today because lesson I was extremely hesitant on them... so this was what we started off with. One of the roundabouts had roadworks on and temporary lights were used to direct traffic. It was weird coming back on this roundabout because I had to drive it in reverse... so rather than going clockwise I had to go anti, bit strange I felt, but it was manageable and fresh.

Driving Lesson #83

2009-10-19T23:01:00.001+01:00

(Hours 156 & 157)

It was a local drive today and it was something different and it was almost certainly a booster for the confidence. I had a long windy road, sloping down a road which eventually led to a hill. I didn't make any mistakes on that except for a gear change... locating the wrong one.

Driving Lesson #82

2009-10-16T19:42:00.001+01:00

(Hours 155 & 156)

I'm getting bored of this game. I can't stop making bloody mistakes and the more I'm doing this, the more I'm forgetting. I don't know what's so difficult and in this stage of the game I should know it all back to front. I have a feeling the answer's going to be negative but for sure I've decided this is going to be the last attempt. I say this all the time. I don't know how long I would survive with this decision but I can say that this has definitely been my decision for half a month. I'm losing interest in obtaining my pink card and I notice my repulse towards lessons. With this attitude, it tells me my decision is what it is. If I stay strong, I guess I would only have to suffer with nightmares and tears for the rest of my life.

Driving Lesson #81

2009-10-12T22:50:00.005+01:00

(Hours 153 & 154)

I almost ran a teenage boy over today. I was approaching a junction and the sight was clear. I looked to my right as I was emerging left and the duals were slammed. A boy was riding a bike at some speed and when I saw him, he had his hand on his heart. He was shocked as much as I was. My instructor said it wasn't my fault, but I'm not happy because I should have noticed him and my reflexes should have responded much quicker. I told my instructor even if I did pass my test, I would never be capable alone. She then told me at one point, teenage boys of similar sort used to go out onto the test road deliberately to make someone fail - simply because you would fail if your reflexes weren't fast enough. For this instance, I would have failed today.

Driving Lesson #80

2009-10-10T23:23:00.002+01:00

(Hours 152 & 153)

I'm always forgetting about little old 5th gear! I felt more at ease again now that I've introduced a certain something back in my life.. and it's definitely something I cannot drive without for this moment in time. I rolled down the narrow alley at the end of the lesson and carelessly caught a dustbin on the wing mirror. I'm such a bad driver!

Driving Lesson #79

2009-10-08T22:33:00.003+01:00

(Hours 150 & 151)

I tried a different method today that only my heart knew. It didn't feel right and I know for sure I'll be switching back to before. It wasn't disastrous but it's just so hard for me to wait for another date that's such a long way away. I understand the plus points for these hours, but I just don't want it to knock off my confidence if something really bad occurs. Of course, I know small mistakes can happen, but battling with my inner fear is the only factor repelling me away from practice. How slow does time want to pass? How much longer must I suffer?

Driving Lesson #78

2009-09-30T22:48:00.003+01:00

(Hours 149 & 150)

Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes! We all make them and it's so easy to make them! I don't think I've done my best today although I've been told it wasn't that bad. I'm to the point where I don't care if it wasn't bad, I want it to be good, and I know when it can be. The thing that annoys me most is that the test must be done perfectly and after that, drivers just go out avoiding all the rules. So what's the point in a test? I bet if the people who have been driving for 10 or more years got asked to do another test, many of them wouldn't do well. But that's besides the point, what's done is done and it's been said to me time and time again. I've got to focus on what's ahead of me now and put the past behind.

Preparati per la guerra!

2009-09-24T22:21:00.003+01:00

Fair and square. It was funny. I remember coming off a roundabout and a certain somebody was scared! With his hands clawed to the door and nose pressed against the glass, I hope Keith enjoyed the roller coaster of a lifetime! Obviously a lorry was coming off at the same exit as me and forced me into the right lane, and by the look on his face, you'd think he was expecting a collsion or something! His feet were almost on the pedals but I was alert 'cos I checked my mirrors but nothing more simpler than a green filter light could have caught me out. I got beeped at! I enjoyed my time and I am still a warrior, I write this with a smile.

Driving Lesson #77

2009-09-23T23:17:00.000+01:00

(Hours 147 & 148)

I would like to have drove better today just so it would stop me from feeling insecure. I had an extended run on the test routes since I wasn't driving back home so I requested for Linthorpe Road. This was the one with the bus lanes and I needed to switch in and out of them if they were clear since the operation times were not in use. I write here so that I remember, that an indication is not necessary for moving lanes and the examiners might try to catch me out on filter lights.. but the main 3 words of wisdom I give myself are handbrake, clutch and speed. These are the 3 I need to focus on, and if anything was to catch me out, it would almost certainly fall into one of those categories.

Driving Lesson #76

2009-09-22T20:18:00.002+01:00

(Hours 146 & 147)

Time is falling quick and already we are to the end of September. We usually have fun at the end of the lesson going through the small alleyway... I noticed it was a trick my instructor got me to do so she could get out the street easier! It wasn't quite as expected today when a huge van blocked the alley and a black car further behind it caused a double blockage! Unfortunately I had to do the turn in a road to get the car facing the right way for my instructor! However, I'm not moaning though 'cos it's good practice! ...HA! I actually hate it!

Driving Lesson #75

2009-09-17T23:12:00.001+01:00

(Hours 144 & 145)

A lesson full of overtaking! I've done it before but only the odd once or twice. I like to be the quiet driver that just sits behind the maintence vehicles and tractors all day, but the queue of traffic would be a huge problem. My first overtaking mission was to overtake a maintenance vehicle on a dual carriageway. We followed it quite a long way, but with bends in the road, it wasn't quite so safe to overtake. When I finally had the chance, it decided to turn left and exit the carriageway! I thought I was lucky, but my instructor insisted on finding me something to overtake after she saw my hesitance yesterday. Eventually, we went up and down the carriageway and in no time I was overtaking most obstacles blocking my track. It was a good exercise to build confidence but I'd still like to do more just so I'm comfortable doing it alone.

It's a lot to take in just to prepare me for this test, as the routes are new and the lanes leading to roundabouts are different. It's not 3 lanes anymore, but instead there's 2 with second exits on the left, which is also different to straight on. I've got to mention that's the hardest bit to grasp in all of the driving I've done!

Driving Lesson #74

2009-09-16T22:27:00.002+01:00

(Hours 143 & 144)

I was on the verge of quitting yesterday but the night saved me. Today's lesson went promising again and it just seemed that yesterday was just another bad day... Every driver has their bad days, but I can't really afford to have a bad day on the day of the test. I think I would corrupt completely, but I promised myself this would be the last attempt I would ever try at this. I'd rather lose the licence than to put my body through anymore stress.. I've done so many naughty things just to help me get this licence and now I'm at the end. I'm running out of ideas, and if I don't get the licence this time, the examiners are obviously telling me something... switch to biking?

Driving Lesson #73

2009-09-15T18:10:00.002+01:00

(Hours 141 & 142)

It's getting a bit weird now as the secret spreads... but still I reserve who I reveal the truth to. I don't think it's all that great carrying the weight on my shoulders, but I do it deliberately to lose pressure. Do you really think I like to go through this sh!t on my own and cry for help in the corner of my room?

Obviously things didn't work out so well on the manoeuvre side today, and I wish to brush up on it to bring my car closer to the kerb on the reverse park. I've been told today that half way through the manoeuvre, I could still adjust the left wing mirror to suit my vision. I don't ever recall being told that before, but now I know this, I can use it to help me rather than guess on the last right turn. This was what I had to do previously since I lost the kerb from the mirror half way through. After a second shot, with guidance, I managed to park up to the kerb and "a taxi wasn't needed to help me to the kerb!"

I find myself battling with my inner fear once again when my instructor told me to tell her I will pass my test this round. I could not do so. I could only tell her I will try. Yes, I understand it's the confidence I'm lacking, but with a different environment, different test centre, different examiner, things are going to be difficult.. but I ask how can anyone have confidence with a bad history? No one will ever understand what I am thinking. No matter who I tell and what I tell, no one will understand since they've never gone through the same experience.. I've had different instructors, each telling me different things, and in the end I just feel like a puppet on some strings, never capable of moving on my own.

Driving Lesson #72

2009-09-02T23:06:00.004+01:00

(Hours 140 & 141)

I think I've got the ability to drive well but I just don't know it. I doubt myself too much. I've drove around most of the test routes now and I know what rules apply to which roads. Of course, I've still got to watch out for my speed as I constantly drive over the speed limit. I'm noticing it really quickly now though since I can't take my eyes off the speedo, but it doesn't give me justice, I'll never know what the examiner might think. I once said, "I wonder if I would still be speeding in a mini?" With the speedo meter taking up 90% of the dashboard I would think it's highly impossible!

Driving Lesson #71

2009-08-29T19:24:00.002+01:00

(Hours 138 & 139)

The confidence is coming back with the sunshine! I had a good comfortable drive today, and things that went wrong in the last lesson amazingly corrected itself today. It must have just been a 'sudden bad drive'. As my friend once said, confidence is the name of the game, and indeed it is.. my confidence is slowly coming back to me now, and I'm finding that I'm becoming less hesitant at roundabouts... my junctions are still a bit dodgy and I could simply sit and wait at them for days!

One thing I do really want to brush up before my test are the hill starts and hand brake.... this was the serious error that caught me out last time. I've been sitting with my foot brake on and handbrake off... so getting up that little hill and finding my bite after a red light is such a struggle! Obviously, from last time I've learnt that the handbrake should be on, but my mind is never registering this when I come to an inclined junction. It was never an issue to me before, but an important rule my instructor taught me today was misleading signals, with the main one being brake lights! If I sit constantly with my foot brake on, the people behind me are thinking I'm never going to set off, and with the foot brake on, I'll never be able to find my bite and get up that hill!!!!

FAITH

2009-08-25T18:20:00.000+01:00

I was speaking to a friend yesterday about everything.. it's great to have a second opinion when you're whirled up with your own thoughts. She first told me a line, which I admired from a glance.. It read "it's only a lesson, don't be so downhearted". I instantly replied "it's hard not to be when you've had so many bad attempts already". She assured me once again that if Blank A and Blank B could pass, I certainly could.. all I need is faith and if I don't have it, I will definitely fail. This I've been told many times before, but not counting percentage, I always believe I can make it, otherwise I wouldn't put in for the test time and time again...

I've spent most of my afternoon looking at how conjoined twins live their lives, through sun and through storm... and think how I can let something considered so minor in my life, affect me. I hope by seeing the difficulties these twins experience will always remind me of how fortunate I am, and that they will offer me hope just as I'm about to give up... not only for driving, but for the rest of the difficult situations I'll experience in life.

Driving Lesson #70

2009-08-24T19:42:00.007+01:00

(Hours 137 & 138)

Today was terrible.. The one word sums up my one and a half hour lesson. It was raining from start to finish and I was left hesistant approaching junctions and joining roundabouts. Thanks to Gary Dodd, I think I'm scarred for life from driving. I don't think I can ever stand back up on my feet and fight this losing battle. I am hurt, but what do I do? Continue fighting or admit defeat??? I'm not the kind of quitter but I'm corrupting, physically and mentally.

Apart from Gary Dodd, another thing that is constantly haunting me is BSM... it haunts me at day, and haunts me at night. I see them while I drive, and I see them in my sleep... I'm at the stage where I'm about to go crazy and I can't take this SH!T no more. A passerby reading this will never know my inside story, as with everyone else.. and will automatically ask "then why carry on?" I can only write here to let them know "because it'll only put me in a lot more pain if I don't do anything about it".

The lyrics.....

I ain't got no more tears to cry
And I can't take this no more
You know I gotta let it go

....currently expresses what I'm feeling.

Driving Lesson #69

2009-08-21T21:57:00.003+01:00

(Hours 135 & 136)

I didn't sleep very well last night with driving being the main topic constantly on my mind. It's not something I wish for and I feel the pressure kicking in once again... However, my performance today was promising and I didn't feel as nervous as yesterday. It's just my first day on the test routes, and I still have a few hours left to master the biting point of this car. It has a relatively low bite compared to all the other cars I've had, with the difference being petrol and diesel. I'm running on a petrol now and I can't hear the engine as well as I could with a diesel. I'm glad to know that the examiners here are human and nice and won't fail you for every minor detail.

Driving Lesson #68

2009-08-20T22:27:00.000+01:00

(Hours 134 & 135)

I'm back on the road again, at an old familiar place, with a new instructor and new driving school. It's goodbye BSM since I can't pass with them, and as K says, they only want me to 'Bring Some Money'. I'm trying female instructors for a change and I started bringing half hours into the routine.. so it's an hour and a half each session just to give me enough time to try the test routes without being too tired.

Test routes were not part of the drive today as K wanted to see what my driving was like before I set off to the busy roads at rush hour.. so in order to progress to the test routes, I had to pass her 'personal' test.. luckily at the end of the lesson she said she can take me on them tomorrow, and as a new instructor, she can see clearly that my past attempts at the test have knocked my confidence.. She said my driving was good, but inside I do not feel this anymore. I hope having a female instructor will help me relax more while I drive and give me a burst of encouragement.

The wonders of bluetooth..

2009-08-19T23:02:00.002+01:00

I'm here with bluetooth!! A bit slow for connection but it does actually work...! Airport MUST be turned off otherwise the browser tries to locate the wireless!!! Such amazing things you can do with technology! Bluetooth works wonders! :)

Bluetooth your Internet!

2009-08-12T15:02:00.004+01:00

So it is true... Finally, after many many months, I have found out how to surf the Internet on a computer from the WAP of my mobile phone! I thought it was impossible at first when my friend told me this a while back, and most experts I asked didn't know how either.. but now I recall her mentioning the word bluetooth.

I revamped my mac last week and the hard drive was wiped, so all my details had to be restored, including the bluetooth set up between my mac and phone. I relinked them today, and to my surprise, an option stating 'Access your phone as a modem' was available! I didn't know what this meant, but I knew a modem was some sort of instrument linking me to the net.. I picked it after the devices were paired, and voila... I was connected to the Internet on my computer through my mobile phone line!

So it is true.. it works.. and I write it here incase I need it again in the future!!

Don't lose hope

2009-07-20T18:42:00.000+01:00

I was in a taxi today and as usual I always talk to the driver about their driving experience and the amount of attempts they used to obtain their licence. The man today had been driving for 40 years and had taken 5 tests before he managed to pass. He told me not to lose hope. He said go out with an attitude that tells yourself that you are the best driver, and everybody else around you are idiots. He said this to both his daughters and they passed their test and have continued to use the same attitude since. He also said keep faith and don't take it to heart if you don't pass.. keep trying and there will be a time that you will.

AWAKE

2009-07-17T17:17:00.004+01:00

What an outstanding, complex and gruesome movie!!! It certainly kept me awake all the way through and is a definite must watch to those that haven't seen it... Cast includes Hayden Christensen and Jessica Alba.

I'm left speechless...

2009-07-07T19:06:00.012+01:00

I have nothing much to say... I tried. Obtaining my licence in Chester doesn't mean that much to me anymore, even though it was once meaningful and it would have been nice to end my 3 years stay here. Of course, it would have also been nice to celebrate the success with my instructor, who has guided me through the obstacles and helped prepare me for this hurdle, but unfortunately, as I learn many true facts of life from the famous Taiwanese drama 'Silence', I begin to accept the misfortunes in life and that every opportunity must be taken to the fullest without regret. Hand on heart, I can honestly say without regret that I grasped onto every opportunity that was offered.

My misfortune and inner fear was all led by the new car. I tried to face it with courage but the biting point was extremely quiet, and for this reason, stalling was always a fear. Just when I thought I had mastered it in the lessons, the touch slipped away from me on the test and repeatedly occured as I tried to emerge onto a main road. The junction was on a slight incline, which forced me to roll backwards if I didn't keep the bite.. It was marked as a serious fault since a few cars were lined up behind me. The solution was to add gas to get me up the slope, but because I had my foot on the foot brake to hold the car still, I could not add the gas. I didn't use the hand brake and this would have helped me a great deal.

Driving Lesson #67

2009-07-06T23:50:00.001+01:00

(Hours 132 & 133)

I've been put through torment through most of the morning trying to get to my results, but the more I couldn't get to them, the more I was feeling happy... the University server had been busy most of the day and I thought I would try again after the driving lesson, but instead, the server had totally collapsed! It was obviously fated for me to have the driving test result revealed before my degree class.. but I feel very happy now since I know I can't physically get to the University system. It would definitely hurt me to know that they are published and to make a choice not to see them, but now, it's no longer within my hands...

Today's lesson was promising.. and as long as I try my best to transfer my skills from lesson to test I will be OK, but the question is, will that be possible?

Waiting in pain...

2009-07-06T10:41:00.003+01:00

I've been trying since 8:42 this morning just to see my degree classification. My plans had obviously changed since last week as I thought I'd reveal my driving test result before the result of my studies. The only reason behind this was to keep my mind focused on the test and not be reversed if the result was not what I was looking for,. but over the weekend, the pressure was building and I felt rather frustrated as everything remains in question marks.. but now I'm going to half my pressure by taking a peek at my degree class.. I think this will be better for me as it will help keep me relaxed through the drive tomorrow.

At the moment, everyone seems to have got their results and are celebrating.. while I seem to be the only one still waiting...

Driving Lesson #66

2009-07-04T20:15:00.001+01:00

(Hours 130 & 131)

I felt the slight nerves kicking in today but it slowly wore off as the lesson progressed... it still just seems to be some of the little bits that I can't get right, but obviously, there's only a certain amount I can do before the test goes out the window, so I've just got to remember the essential 3 lines that were running through my head this morning... "Stay focused, keep calm and be patient". These are the 3 main points people have advised me that only I can keep under control, but most importantly, I must beat the devil inside me by giving myself 100% belief.. as "I'll only pass if I believe"..

Just after the weekend, all will be revealed. My degree results will be published and my last chance to defeat Chester will arrive...

Driving Lesson #65

2009-07-03T23:57:00.006+01:00

(Hours 127, 128 & 129)

I had an extended lesson today and drove solidly for 3 hours. The beginning ran smoothly, but as the minutes passed in the last hour, things started to get out of control! The unusual became the usual and I've never seen this occur before in my many hours of practice! The nasty bends caught me out on this occasion and I was accelerating and braking through them at various points. On the whole, I'm pretty happy with the overall performance and I'm taking to the new car quite well, but I've just got to remember to focus solely on the driving and not to let my mind wander, otherwise nothing's going to get me this licence.

As always me and my instructor like to have a good chuckle at the front of the car and today's selected topic was my previous attempts at the test. Even though I know how serious the note is, I made a joke of it as he mentioned "forget about the previous tests because they've all past now"... and for a split second my imagination wandered again and I was happy that they're all PASSED!! hahaha

Driving Lesson #64

2009-07-01T22:00:00.000+01:00

(Hours 125 & 126)

It's just less than a week before all my results are published for what I've been striving for in the past 3 years, and most importantly, this last year. My provisional degree class will be released early next week along with a P or an F for the driving test.

I looked in amazement when I saw the beautiful blue BSM car today and I got told that this is what I will be using for my test. Hopefully, it will bring me better luck, and already, it has been off to a good start with a PASS this morning. The test was taken in Chester and was also a fourth time pass for the learner. The thing I laugh at most was the examiner that took him, and I hear for all 4 times was unfortunately - Deadly Mr. Dodd, the miserable man that had taken me for my second attempt.

I'm happy to be able to use the new car due to obvious superstitious reasons, and therefore thinking myself lucky to have the chance to practice in it before the actual test date. My instructor asked me to move off when I was ready, which left me replying "I'm never ready" in amusement. My reaction triggered a famous poem to him, which he kindly reeled off to me!

Here I paste the funny poem by Spike Milligan, and laugh so much when I read that Freddy's lifestyle is just like mine!

Soldier Freddy
was never ready,
But! Soldier Neddy,
unlike Freddy
Was always ready
and steady,

That's why,
When Soldier Neddy
Is-outside-Buckingham-Palace-on-guard-in-the-pouring-wind-and-rain-being-steady-and-ready,
Freddy
is home in beddy.

Driving Lesson #63

2009-06-26T22:37:00.002+01:00

(Hours 123 & 124)

Finally everything's falling back into place again and the horrid feeling of fear at the start of every lesson seems to be paying off. I had an 'abnormal' car today due to bad steering correspondence that arose from a bump by somebody else on Tuesday. I felt clumsy driving the car at first as more steer was required just to get it to where I wanted it to go, but as time passed, I soon got the hang of it and it felt just like normal.

I'm slowly increasing my hope for this next test and I'm eventually letting go of all the past mistakes and previous attempts. It's helping a great deal and I didn't think it was ever possible for me to put the past down, but as my friend told me a few weeks ago, I will only pass if I believe... so now I'm beginning to believe, my performance is actually getting better and my instructor feels that less serious faults are being made and the drive is definitely much more relaxed. As they say 'seeing is believing', so now I see it, I feel I can believe and my instructor says, it's hard enough to pass even when you believe, but it makes it twice as hard when you don't.. so from these comments, it tells me only one thing - to tackle the test with a heart full of hope and belief.

Driving Lesson #62

2009-06-22T23:02:00.003+01:00

(Hours 121 & 122)

It's been quite different today, for it has been one of many times that I have not gone out holding my heart. I don't know what was different about today, but I felt relaxed and I stayed calm throughout the drive. It obviously helped towards my performance, but it all went downhill in the last 5 minutes because a certain feeling hit home. I must say that this feeling has only grown on me after the reoccuring failed tests, so I must forget about the past in order to find the feeling a new home.

Driving Lesson #61

2009-06-19T23:47:00.005+01:00

(Hours 119 & 120)

While driving today I suddenly thought of a solution to help me overcome my fears... to make use of the car machines in the arcades and not the bike ones I usually go on! I've been told before just to treat driving as if I was playing a game, but like most things in life, it's easier said than done. One of the major disadvantages I have is my reaction time.. my mind registers information at a slower pace than what is required by a normal driver and this is one of the things that are stopping me from progressing. This also explains why my manoeuvres are better than my road driving.

A few months back I saw a simulator in the BSM centre and enquired about it because I had never seen one before. It looks just like an arcade machine but is for learners who have not yet drove on the road, and it gives them a bit of knowledge about a car and the basic steps to driving. I was amazed to hear what it did and I was a little disappointed I didn't know about it before I started learning. Obviously there's not much difference now since I have been manually taught these rules, but maybe it could have helped?

Driving Lesson #60

2009-06-11T23:57:00.002+01:00

(Hours 117 & 118)

It's been a long time since I last drove but there's something inside me I can't explain.. a sense of fear. At this stage of the game I know I shouldn't feel like this, but at the start I always feel tense and as time goes on and the drive is good, I'll begin to relax.... but if the drive is bad and I make mistakes, I become more nervous and I make even more mistakes... however today hasn't been so bad and I stayed pretty chilled.

I'm booked in again...

2009-06-04T09:14:00.002+01:00

I just woke up about half an hour ago and the thought of driving and obtaining my licence in Chester struck me again... a small tear rolled down my face as I knew it was fated that my licence and Chester could never be together,. but still I had that horrible lingering feeling and I enquired the DSA about the next available test date. I was shocked to hear the come back date was the beginning of July so instantly it was a question of 'Do you want it or not?' Without thought, I immediately took it as I could always cancel at a later date if necessary, but once it's gone, it's gone.. I can't express how much I want to take this licence away with me at Chester because it will always recall my time here, and will be a memory for me to treasure.. so I hope not to make a mess of this one if it goes forward.. it's the very very last chance and I'm very lucky to get it..

Fortunate or unfortunate?

2009-06-03T23:34:00.005+01:00

It's only so much my self-esteem can take before I corrupt, but in the end it boils down to how much I want the licence. I can't handle missing a bus and waiting for the next one that doesn't arrive, especially when I've got coursework to hand in and 90 pictures to frame for an exhibition that's only a few hours away!! I'm no longer a student so having my hands empty is leaving me to think of only one thing--driving! I can't help thinking about it when I see cars everywhere so I thought I'd give it one last shot in Chester before I leave, even though I'm so reluctant to take another test. I went to BSM to see the waiting time for the next available date, but unfortunately (or even luckily) is not until the end of July... By then I would have left so getting my licence in Chester was obviously never meant to be.... but at least now having this knowledge won't leave me hanging...

I hadn't even left Huntington....

2009-05-15T23:43:00.005+01:00

It was just the beginning but it couldn't get any worse... it was a truly awful attempt and I only reveal to my close ones the reason of failure.

When I was young, I used to see programs on TV explaining the roller coaster ride learners went through just to get their licence. It was stated that one went through 6 or 7 attempts and others 9 or 10... it was unbelievable at the time and I didn't ever think it was possible, but now my scenario proves me wrong and tells me that I am one of those unlucky drivers...

Driving Lesson #59

2009-05-14T21:25:00.002+01:00

(Hours 115 & 116)

I drove back down my street today to return home and on my travels, I met a traffic warden! Not unusual you might be thinking, but it was stamping tickets over the cars on the side of which I knocked last time! So finally, I get my wider width of the road!!!

In less than 24 hours, my third result will appear. At this moment in time, I have lost hope, faith and the worst of the world.. I write this without a smile on my face and I only expect to hear something I do not wish for.

Driving Lesson #58

2009-05-08T21:30:00.002+01:00

(Hours 113 & 114)

Today's lesson is going to be very memorable.... the closest I have ever been to a busy roundabout! The exercise involved me getting out the car and standing in front of a roundabout to analyse the direction traffic is intending to go. This is still one of my major weaknesses on a roundabout, which makes me hesitant to join one. Now that I have settled the roundabout reading, I hope to read the clues faster while being in the car.

As most of the roads are now blocked by cones and filled by roadworks, an incident occured on the way home which made me laugh in hysterics! It shouldn't have really been funny, but the fact that I was least expecting it made me burst out with laughter.... As I entered the narrow street, cars were parked on both sides which made it even more narrower.... I squeezed my way through at a slow speed and heard a bump! I thought I clipped a car at first and looked straight at my instructor in shock.... then later I realised that I had only caught the wing mirror, which caused mine to bend inwards, and we assume, bent the other one outwards considering nothing visible was left on the ground... Of course I blame the parked car that I caught since it was not supposed to be parked there between 9am and 6pm, especially with the wing mirror left out! They're just lucky it's not left hanging on wires!

Driving Lesson #57

2009-05-01T19:28:00.000+01:00

(Hours 111 & 112)

I had a better run today with a longer night's sleep compared to what I've had in recent days. All the deadlines are approaching and time is running out! The lesson today was very useful to me as I was entirely on my own two feet.. it allowed me to focus on which parts of my driving I need to work on before the test comes. At the moment we have established hesitancy on roundabouts and missing many opportunities to join one.. but for me, I will never join one until it is clear to me that I can fit into the tiny gap in such little time!

Driving Lesson #56

2009-04-25T21:21:00.002+01:00

(Hours 109 & 110)

So I'm back on the road again after a long 3 weeks... I've promised myself I'd come back stronger, but instead, I feel weaker. I cannot admit defeat, and I must let the stupid mistakes pass, as life goes on.

This time last year.....

2009-04-16T21:33:00.001+01:00

...at Chester. It was a beautiful night and will be remembered forever in my heart.

Gone within the first 10 minutes

2009-03-25T21:21:00.002Z

I hope I'm not being too over superstitious, but I had an inclination of failure this morning when I woke up and looked out of my window. The sky was grey and it was raining.... the saying 'the sky is crying' immediately ran to my head and I thought it surely can't be... and believe it or not, what I described in one of my earlier posts actually happened to me today. My examiner had a bad day... either that or he just really hated me. He was moody and stressful, and his attitude was dreadful! I had obviously made a wrong decision while approaching a junction for a left turn, and he instantly jumped onto the steering wheel... by then I knew I had thrown my test away. I cannot express with words my current mood, but I am definitely not happy. It goes back to what I stated in the post for my previous test, I don't mind failing, but I've got to be happy with how I fail. I'm beginning to lose faith and the fact that my examiner had to intervene makes me think that I am incapable. It was a totally bad experience and I wish I could have escaped the moody man and his intimidation earlier than I did.

Driving Lesson #55

2009-03-24T21:48:00.001Z

(Hours 107 & 108)

Yesterday's lesson got cancelled and moved to today which I am happy about because I get to practice one day before the exam.. but I suppose this goes back to my psychological thinking again! The drive today was better than last week and I am feeling more confident. Nothing majorly stood out, but I've just got to watch out not to stop too short at a junction, but at the same token, not sticking my nose out to obstruct others! So, just right!

Towards the end of the lesson, my pulse rate started speeding up which indicates my nerves are kicking in for tomorrow. I hope that this doesn't occur during the test as it might sway my concentration and it's the last thing I want! I'm still feeling nervous now but I'm ready to go out and give it my best shot again!

Driving Lesson #54

2009-03-19T13:53:00.001Z

(Hours 105 & 106)

The test is approaching and I'm really not looking forward to it. I thought today was going to be my last lesson before the test, but I've managed to book in another 2 hours for the extra practice on the same week as the test. I don't know how much difference it's going to make, but I will feel mentally better than what I would without it. I don't doubt my driving skills but a better performance in the car this week would have helped build my confidence.. However, without the mistakes, my instructor told me I would feel the same since I have already tried the test once and it's affect has reversed on me. For some people, they find it helps as they know what is expected, but for others, it's the opposite. I don't think it's a good thing for me to know that the UK driving test is one of the hardest in the world, and the fact that I know you must be almost perfect in order to get your full license makes me think it's even more harder to achieve. At the end of the day, it's my word against the examiner's, and I find it hard to accept their decision if they were just having a bad day.

As for my performance, it wasn't too bad but I am still making errors. Obviously no driver is perfect even if they have passed their test, but just knowing that I am making these mistakes makes me feel less confident when I know you must be almost perfect for the test. I tried the new techniques for the dual carriageways and roundabouts and they seem to work better for me. I'm going to use Monday's lesson to spend more time and work on these techniques so that I get out of my old habits and into the new.

Driving Lesson #53

2009-03-18T23:00:00.004Z

(Hours 103 & 104)

It's just less than a week now before my next test and time has past so quickly! I feel a little let down with my own driving today as I feel I could have done better. If I took the test today, I would have failed as I was a little wobbly at coming onto the dual carriageway. This caused me to drive between 2 lanes and would be counted as a serious fault. The reason behind this is the fact that I am looking too far over my shoulder for the blind spot check whilst on the slip road. As I discussed the issue with my instructor, we established that this is the main reason why dual carriageways are still the weakest point within my driving. I have been told to glance over the shoulder, trying to keep the body as still as possible. This will hopefully stop my hands following the movement of my body, which should aid the wobble.

Another major point expressed to me today is the observations on approach to a roundabout. Since I have been looking from the 1 o'clock point to the 4 o'clock, it is taking me far too long to anticipate all the actions on the roundabout including what might happen. Instead, I have been told to focus on my 3 o'clock point, which directly identifies the exit immediately to my right. It might seem like a problem that should have been solved earlier, but I never knew it was a problem until my instructor used the dual controls to stop me from hitting the bright orange TNT lorry that joined from the exit before. Immediately, I knew that it was a problem since the size and colour of the vehicle should have dominated everything else. It is also difficult for my instructor to see what it is I am exactly looking at.

Now I have new suggestions at hand, I will try them tomorrow and see if it helps towards my driving. I hope that the drive will be better and that the new suggestions will bring me more confidence considering it will be the last lesson before my test.

Driving Lesson #52

2009-03-12T20:30:00.003Z

(Hours 101 & 102)

The hours are creeping up! It's scary to think I have put in triple hours of lesson time already, which is equivalent to more than 4 days! I don't dare count how much all these hours are worth!

Today was another lesson on the roundabouts, except in reverse order! Some worked out OK, but some were disastrous.... the first disaster involved a stall on the roundabout! I was a temporary obstruction to a car that was approaching my exit, but because I started to come onto the roundabout from the exit before, the car managed to get round me. Luckily the stall didn't do much harm and everything was safe, but I was astonished at how something so serious could happen to me!

One of the last roundabouts was crazy! People cutting in on me from my left! Obviously they are supposed to give way to what is on the right, and most importantly, what is already ON the roundabout! I stopped behind a bus on the roundabout while the lights were on red, and an old man in a blue car tried to cut in between me and the bus without a signal.. I let him in as there was no other option, but as the lights turned green a crazy woman in a white car appeared from nowhere... forcing her way in between me and the blue car! My instructor had to slam his brakes down to stop the collision, but we both admitted there was nothing in the left wing mirror. My instructor had told me he had only seen her from the corner of his eye since he was sat at the side closest to her.

Besides the dangerous factors, there were some funny parts in today's lesson. I've said before, concentration is the main element needed for driving, and as I stopped at a red light, I let it slip! I readjusted my centre mirror to correct my view, and got extremely distracted by the aqua blue bike! As the lights changed to green, I shouted "Oh look there's a Suzuki!" and stalled! ...It just shows how much concentration can affect your driving!

Driving Lesson #51

2009-03-11T23:24:00.002Z

(Hours 99 & 100)

I'm feeling quite strange to have my 2 hour dose of driving now... it's been quite a long wait and I feel that 2 hours a week is not enough for me considering I did 4 before the test. I fear that I will lose what I have already, and because I'm so far into the game, I don't want to lose now. Hopefully it's just a psychological issue, but I've booked in an extra 4 hours before the test just to squeeze in the extra hours of practice.

The whole lesson focused on roundabouts today, and I'm quite surprised I wasn't dizzy during the exercise! It was good to see I am able to plan my actions better than what I did last year.. so I can definitely say I'm more confident and I've improved!

After the lesson, I was reassured that my fear was definitely a psychological matter! I'm happy to know this since it puts less pressure on me as I know I won't be able to have a lesson at any time on the week of my test. I was quite shocked to see the high demand for lessons on my instructor's timetable within the next few weeks... it's a busy time for lessons and tests.

Driving Lesson #50

2009-03-03T23:49:00.004Z

(Hours 97 & 98)

So it's back to the driving lessons and I was determined to go back to the primary school to locate this sign that I missed.. my wish was granted and we incorporated it as part of my route today. I was shocked and completely devastated at how I managed to miss the 2 huge 20 signs on either side of me, and the coloured road that marked a gigantic 20 in a circle! 3 clear hints and I somehow managed to miss them all.. or obviously just didn't pay any attention to them if I did see them, but it's not something I recall.

We planned a particular exercise today where everytime a new speed limit took place, I would have to call out the speed to show I have spotted and registered the sign. I saw them this time round, and hopefully this exercise will be useful to me for the next test and the future.

Now that there is another month to go before my next test, I fear I will lose something else after I've noticed all the speed signs. Hopefully this won't be the case as I'm continuing my practice for the next few weeks.

They sold well!

2009-02-27T21:11:00.004Z

Well, I went to the convenience store again today and I forgot all about the reduced shelf until I walked past it... I must say the bottles are selling really well! I just hope the people who bought them are not relying on it to pass their driving test!

The luck wasn't with me!

2009-02-26T23:52:00.000Z

It's been a long night and it seemed like forever! I was tossing and turning and I tried absolutely everything just to help me nod off... eventually putting Bella's Lullaby on repeat did it for me!

The morning finally came! I woke up and had a morning stroll to the local convenience store to pick up a few bits that would help me with the test. Lucozade Alert was one of the pieces I bought, and a Kinder Bueno twin bar.. but unfortunately the luck was not with me on this occasion as I was driving 27mph on a 20 road. I had completely missed the 20 limit sign outside the primary school and continued to comply within the 30 limit. This was the same school as where I nearly knocked over the little school boy a few weeks back. At least I am happy with the error as it is not a major adjustment I need to make within my driving, and I can say that I gave it my best shot with no regrets. Previously on the mock tests, I felt let down by my performance and I knew I could have done better, but I was happy with my first attempt today.

Still on the bright side, I encountered 2 'jokes' after the test... and the first happened when I got out the car. My test report had flew out my hands and was being curled up by the wind, and when it had fell to the ground, I went to pick it up... but it flew back into the air! I instantly thought that it was like the lottery ticket idea seen on TV, and I laughed and said to myself "Even the report doesn't want me!" ...But eventually the wind had calmed and I had to stop a car to pick it up off the ground...otherwise it would have gone into the air again!

The last was obviously the Lucozade bottle. The label read 'Mental Edge' and on the back it said 'Need to switch on?' The main idea of the energy drink was to help concentration and mental alertness... just what I needed to help me focus on my test! At the end I joked to my instructor and said "Where's the bottle? I'm gonna send it back and say it doesn't work!" He chuckled.. but then a few hours later, I walked back into the convenience store and looked in the fridge.. all the bottles of Lucozade had gone! I thought surely they can't be selling that well! I walked round the corner and saw them cutely grouped on the 'Reduced' shelf!!! I was shocked and I said to myself "So that's why it didn't work!"

Feelings the night before...

2009-02-25T20:28:00.001Z

The nerves are starting to kick in now and as I tell my close friends my test is tomorrow, the more I am feeling sick. I hope tomorrow goes well, and after speaking to a friend with a lucky surname, he said the luck will be with me, so let's hope it's true!

Driving Lesson #49

2009-02-24T20:04:00.000Z

(Hours 95 & 96)

The last of the lessons before my test... and I forgot my glasses! I'm not completely blind without them, but my face felt naked as I've got to have them on while I drive. It's my first time forgetting them, and it's quite a job remembering them since I don't wear them for anything else.. but I drove back for them before I continued onto the dual carriageways.

My planning and awareness skills are the weakest points within my driving. Although, I am trying to plan what may happen in front of me and how I should approach the situation, it is not always that simple for me to put it into practice. However, on a few occasions today, I felt I did the right move and my decisions were appropriate.

At this moment in time, I feel quite confident for the test on Thursday and I'm looking forward to the drive..

Driving Lesson #48

2009-02-22T19:32:00.003Z

(Hours 93 & 94)

It seems like the word 'test' interferes with my performance slightly, as nothing majorly went wrong in today's lesson. It corresponded to my recent performance in the lessons before the mock, and I even managed the left reverse without scraping the kerb. I didn't think that the word 'test' would have such a big impact on my performance, but judging by the last 2 unsuccessful attempts at the mock test, I think it is self-explanatory... Inside, I don't feel nervous, and even though I shake my head at the errors I make, the final outcome baffles me as my poor driving is unexplainable.

Confidence is building on the dual carriageways and keeping up with other traffic is not a problem, but I hope to handle the slip road better in the near future. I'm still a bit wobbly at times when I'm looking for oncoming traffic over my shoulder, and this is the only part I fear when approaching a dual carriageway.

Driving Lesson #47

2009-02-19T22:27:00.004Z

(Hours 91 & 92)

We incorporated a mock test as part of the lesson today, but I wasn't totally impressed with my performance. Again, the left reverse had let me down, and mounting the kerb had already encountered a fail in itself. Now I have the turn in the road at hand, I seem to have lost the touch for the left reverse! One thing comes, and another thing goes... but I hope to correct this soon and have a good blast at my test next week.

Driving Lesson #46

2009-02-17T19:05:00.004Z

(Hours 89 & 90)

I had another good drive today and I practised all the manoeuvres.. My performance was marked with 5's on the track record, which signifies the test standard ability, but the sweeping left reverse had let me down as I touched the kerb slightly. Although it was morning, things seemed to have worked out well for me, and I am fighting the morning devil in me day by day! There's only one more week left before my nocturnal spirit can reappear..

One of many fears occured in the lesson today, and this was running out of slip road before joining a dual carriageway. It happened as the car behind me joined the carriageway just as I was about to pull out. Of course, it would have been impossible for me to drive out at the same time, so the only solution was to use more of the slip road and wait for them to clear. Eventually, I managed to pull out safely, but the remaining distance of the slip road was very short. The experience was scary.

Driving Lesson #45

2009-02-12T22:21:00.004Z

(Hours 87 & 88)

It's exactly 2 weeks away from the test date and today's lesson reassured me that I was ready for the test. I woke up 2 hours before my lesson to make sure I would have a better chance in performing after having breakfast and an early morning walk. Both activities had obviously helped me focus, and I plan to do the same on the day of the test to make sure that I am 100% mentally prepared.

After a short discussion with my instructor, I understand that my concentration comes in bursts, and I can perform really well at one point and do the complete opposite a few minutes later.. from one extreme to the other as they say. It is very important for me not to have lapses of concentration, as these moments could easily define me from a pass to a fail.

Another negative element I have in my driving is my indecisive moments, which results in the same problem. In my parallel parks, I manage to park behind a car, but then I correct the position of the car because I am not totally happy with it. Apparently, my first position would have passed the manoeuvre in the test, but after the correction, it would be to the examiner's discretion of whether it would pass, as the position is worser than before.. the answer to this is to avoid correcting a position even if I am not totally satisfied with it as the correction could jeopardise the whole manoeuvre.

Driving Lesson #44

2009-02-10T20:18:00.004Z

(Hours 85 & 86)

Finally, I made the turn in the road within 3 turns again! The amount of concentration it took me just to complete this was phenomenal! Setting this aside, I guess the manoeuvre took away all my energy and concentration as I found it difficult to concentrate for the rest of the MORNING! Morning is definitely my enemy, and the fact that I woke up 20 minutes before the lesson and skipped breakfast didn't help much! My instructor was very attentive on this matter, and kindly offered me a double Twix bar! Trying so hard not to eat his lunch, I failed to resist the temptation of the shiny gold packet that sat on my knee..

Driving Lesson #43

2009-02-05T23:32:00.001Z

(Hours 83 & 84)

I had another drive in the snow again today, only this time it was falling! The lesson began with a short drive and ended up focusing mainly on the turn in the road. Unfortunately, my 3 point turn is still a 7 point turn on a tight and narrow road!! I can't seem to master this anymore, and upon discussion, we found out that I was introduced the manoeuvre on a majorly wide road at an industrial estate... So no matter how the manoeuvre was done, I would always get round in 3! ....Now that the road is half the size in width, I am completing the turn in double the amount of moves!!!! I need help!!!!

One Last Time

2009-02-05T22:47:00.022Z

I am truly touched by a song I've just heard, and the beautiful voice that accompanied the lyrics.... I passed the song when I happened to scroll through to another member's blog. I read that the story behind the song was sad, and instantly I began to find this, to answer all the question marks that were in my head. I was shocked to read many different versions of the story with each mentioning how the female writer of this song had left the world at 17 years old. The song was written to her boyfriend.

As these words touched me, I paste them into this post and translated it myself in hope that others will be touched in the same way that I was...

在我最後一次閉上眼睛之前
我想對你說我愛你在你懷裡
捨不得放棄心裡有千言萬語
還沒說給你聽
我使盡全力不想閉上眼睛
這次告別就不能再相遇
不能再陪你
但不要忘記
你曾經答應我
你會好好活下去 (我永遠愛你)

先走了　去了好遠的地方
不能再陪你看日出　
等不到天亮所有回憶
握住卻並不容易甚至由天決定　
不要太傷心

TRANSLATION:
Before the last time I close my eyes
I want to tell you I love you while being in your arms
I don't want to give up as my heart has many words to say
That I have not yet said to you
I try my hardest not to close my eyes
Because this time I leave we cannot meet again
Cannot be with you again
But do not forget
You promised me
You will continue to live happily (I will always love you)

I leave first to a distant place
Cannot be with you again to watch the sun rise
Cannot wait for dawn, oh all the memories
Holding is not easy and though everything is decided by the sky
Don't be too upset

Driving Lesson #42

2009-02-03T15:42:00.003Z

(Hours 81 & 82)

It was such a struggle this morning to get up... mainly considering I had to get up at 9 and I slept at 5, and 7 the day before... time is seriously running out and deadlines for work are approaching, so I'm being as productive as I can for as long as I can...

For the last few weeks I have been sleeping with my window open,. it is relaxing for me.. but his morning, it felt bitterly cold. I looked out my window instantly and saw the snow and the condition the road was in... I text my instructor in hope that my lesson would be called off today so I could gain a few more hours in bed... but as the sun continued to shine, the snow was beginning to melt, and I felt my luck fading.

The busy roads were pretty clear, but the roundabouts didn't go down too well... on one occasion, a driver didn't indicate to go right, and I had to brake immediately to avoid a collision... My tyres slipped on the frosted snow and it wasn't a good experience for a first drive on the snow.. however, bad experience is better than no experience and the beautiful scenery made up for everything. Except, I felt I should have worn ski goggles to protect my eyes from the brightness of the snow!

Lend me...

2009-02-03T00:06:00.004Z

Something I just banged out in 5 minutes... I don't know what the reason behind it was, it just came out... it started with the 'lend me a shoulder', but I can't seem to think where I heard this line before.... is it part of a song?

Lend me a shoulder, when I need a shoulder to cry on,
Lend me a hand, when I need a hand to hold,
Lend me an ear, when I need an ear to listen,
Lend me a heart, when I need a heart to love.

Driving Lesson #41

2009-01-30T19:50:00.004Z

(Hours 79 & 80)

I received the letter with the test date and time yesterday, and it's set for 26th February... it's quite a good day, and it's the date that I had allocated during the process of rescheduling.. my only concern is that it's a morning! For the next few weeks running up to this date, I have booked in lessons to drive in the morning to get a feel of the amount of traffic I will be facing, and what it is like to drive before noon! I feel it is going to be hard for me to justify my system to accept the change of seeing the morning! Goodbye night drives!

I suddenly realised one thing today.... I'm losing my touch for the turn in the road, or what used to be known as the 3 point turn. I was asked to do one today on a narrow road, but I failed miserably! My 3 point turn had turned into a 7 point turn!!! After discussing the poor attempt, I was told that I had adapted the wrong technique to the width of the road! Next lesson, I will be taught a new way of handling this manoeuvre, and hopefully I will be able to complete my turn within 3 points regardless of the width of the road!

Driving Lesson #40

2009-01-27T23:27:00.003Z

(Hours 77 & 78)

So it was very dangerous today... the atmosphere was very busy and the cost of checking my mirrors on a new road could have knocked over a school child today... luckily my instructor hit the brakes for me and saved the life of the little boy and all the paper work. It was a shock and I could honestly say I did not see the lonely child walking across the road, as my eyes were occupied on the mirrors. If the situation happened on the test, it could have resulted in a fail, since I was not aware of the pedestrian and the fact that my eyes were focused on the mirrors for 'too long'... but I am therefore speechless as I had only just come out onto the new road after making a hectic left turn.

Driving Lesson #39

2009-01-25T21:03:00.010Z

(Hours 75 & 76)

The scenery was beautiful today and the weather was perfect! I drove to North Wales and absorbed the sunshine and fresh air while relaxing to my afternoon drive. Usually I drive around the busy town, so it was different to see the River Dee from high up, just before entering the sight of the Welsh mountains. The narrow winding path leading towards the top of a hill was breathtaking, and I wished to stop there and take some photographs.. but unfortunately, by the time I had finished asking my instructor whether this was possible, it was already too late as I had reached the peak and was getting ready to go downhill. However, I believe that I will drive there again in the near future.

Besides the beautiful scenery, everything else seems to be working out fine and the drive as a whole was rather smooth. There are no major errors within the driving anymore, but I just can't seem to lose the minor imperfections to make my driving perfect! Double roundabouts are not even a problem!

Driving Lesson #38

2009-01-18T21:33:00.004Z

(Hours 73 & 74)

I drove the 'big boy' roads today as my instructor called them.... and finally I am beginning to like driving on them with the required speed! To be crazy, it felt like I was flying, and with a sense of achievement, the travelling speed soon slipped out the mind and I found myself shooting up to 62mph within no time! For a split second I thought I had gone over the speed limit, but luckily it's 70 on a dual carriageway.. so I was still safe within the limit!

My roundabout planning is developing further and my reactions are quicker than what they used to be.. now I can keep the car moving at a roundabout if it safe to do so, but in the past, I would always stop at the give way line. This would be marked down in the test for being too hesitant.

Driving Lesson #37

2009-01-15T23:55:00.007Z

(Hours 71 & 72)

Most of the driving today was on the rural roads,.. this let me focus on different speeds and bendy tracks.. it was enjoyable and it benefited me and my confidence.... I kept in pace with the high speed roads and it let me understand that I was capable of controlling the car at such a high speed.... and most importantly without fear..

As the most improved aspect of my driving has been the manoeuvres, we are going to spend less time on these and concentrate on the main roads and dual carriageways... these are the main points I need to hammer in order to lose fear altogether whilst driving on them, as it is 100% certain that a high speed road will be incorporated as part of the test. Once a minor fault has occurred, the fear kicks back in again.. so I must forget it instantly and continue regardless, since the fault cannot be undone.

Today, I have been questioned what is my fear behind driving, but I could not answer... I don't know, I just know that I do not feel relaxed when I drive and I am always thinking of what is the worst that could happen... it is unnecessary for me to think in this way, as I have already proved to myself many times that I am able to drive!!

Driving Lesson #36

2009-01-09T22:44:00.000Z

(Hours 69 & 70)

It's the first lesson of the year and it feels such a long time since I last drove! The Christmas break did me good and I seem to have lost all the errors that I committed in the last few lessons when I was ill! Even though I might have stopped short on a give way line, I never found myself stepping over it today.. it's a good thing as I could easily edge out to get a clearer view than to panic when I obstruct the traffic..

The highlight of the lesson would definitely have to be the reverse bay park... as the secret to my test will be a right bay park, I have been practising this today. The first reverse was not neatly parked into the bay so I pulled out and straightened up the car to complete the manoeuvre. As it is important to look through the rear window while reversing, I missed the 'over the right shoulder' observation and found the back of the car suddenly moving up and down.... I had mounted the kerb several times without even noticing how far I had already parked into the bay! Another secret is that the car park in the test centre has a fence framing it, so it is not possible to hit the kerb... but it is possible to hit the fence...!

The test date is currently being rescheduled and the lessons leading up to this date will focus on my planning and awareness skills.

Driving Lesson #35

2008-12-19T19:28:00.003Z

(Hours 67 & 68)

It's the last driving lesson of the year! Time has speeded past and half a year has gone already!

There's not much to mention about the drive today though....I'm still lacking concentration so I'm hoping the break will serve me well and put me back on the right tracks for the new year when I have recovered. I think it's been hard to judge my progress in the last few lessons since they have been tightly packed together (originally to train me up until the test date) and the same errors are being made. Usually the lessons are more spaced out which is more suitable for me as I have time to digest the problem and think carefully on how things can be improved... although there are times I repeat habits too!

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